Si pudiera decirte cuanto te quise!!!
Si pudiera decirte todo lo hize por salvarnos.
Si pudiera decirte que lo perdimos.
Perdimos todo lo que logramos en 8 meses.
Lo perdimos.
Quiero decirte que todo fue tu culpa.
Que nunca pense que esto pasaria.
Que siempre confie en ti.
Que nunca perdi las esperanzas.

Si pudiera gritar,
gritaria que aun te quiero!!!
Que aun sueno con lo que sone antes!
Que aun deseo lo que alguna vez tuvimos!
Gritaria con toda mi alma que sin ti no soy nada!
Que te necesito!
Que tu eres mi unica alegria!
lo que me hace reir y apreciar cada dia!
TU!

Tu eras...
Tu eras todo para mi.
Te convertiste en mi mejor amigo, mi aliado.
Tu eras lo que yo queria.
Sentia que si podiamos ser.
Sentia que podiamos lograrlo.
Pero lo perdimos.

Ahora, ahora veo bien.
Y tengo miedo de perderte!
Tengo miedo de no quererte!
porque te quiero! y mucho!
Te quiero con todo mi corazon
tanto que duele verte asi.
Duele pensar que pienses que esto fue un error.
Duele pensar que lo que hagas lo haces solo por habito,
por que te acostumbraste.
Duele verte tan serio.
Tan molesto.
Mis chistes ya no te dan risa.
Tomas todo en serio.
Te molestas mas rapido.
Estas seguro que esto es lo querias?
Yo no.
Yo solo te quiero a ti!
Completamente a ti!
No quiero a esta persona que tengo.
No quiero a alguien frio y sin motivos.
Quiero que me quieras.
Quiero que me veas y veas que soy lo mejor en tu vida.
Quiero que sonrias cuando me veas sonreir.
Quiero que te rias cuando veas que soy feliz.
Quiero que me aconsejes y que nunca me dejes.
Quiero que me abrazes y beses
y que de verdad lo sientas.
Que lo sientas dentro de ti,
dentro de tu corazon.
Que tu corazon salte cada vez que me veas!
Que tu corazon sonria cada vez que hable.
Y mas que todo,
Quiero que me digas como te sientes.
Quiero que me digas cuando estas feliz,
cuando estas triste y molesto.
Quiero que confies en mi.
Quiero ser todo para ti,
quiero reir y compartir todo contigo.
Quiero que te rias, que me beses, que confies,
que no te de miedo, que sepas que estoy aqui.
Que no me voy a ir!
Que no te dejare.
Que siempre te quize y te quedre!
Te quiero!
Te extrano!
Y quiero y extrano todo lo que perdimos!
Por favor no te des por vencido,
lucha por mi,
que yo estare aqui esperandote.

<3 <3

 You say

You were my friend
I trusted you
i came to you when i needed you
I should have known
I should have known you just liked being needed
You just liked being wanted
You liked the attention
You liked to make things worse

I thought you wanted to help
I thought you were a real friend
I thought i could trust you
Now i see
I see who you are
i see what you say
and im tired of it!

You said you were being honest
You said everyone else was just being nice
You said you were the only one who would tell me the real thing
How was i supposed to know?

You were honest, yes
You didnt feel sorry for me
You said what you said
and did what you did
and i thought you were real

Now i see, now i know
You didnt say it to be honest
You didnt do it to be a good friend
You did it because you liked telling me what to do
You liked nagging at me
Why?
Because you like having power
You think that if you told me the 'truth' i would trust you mroe
I would need you more
I would come to you more often

I have realized
i dont need you
I dont want you
And im done
Im done being your 'friend'
Im done letting you tell me whats wrong
Im done listening to you
Im done believing you
im done trusting you

Not again

Remember those days?
Oh yeah... Those days!
I wish i could have enjoyed them so much more than i did back then
Now they are just part of my memories
A place that i like to visit every once in a while when i start to wonder what happened.

What happened??!
What happened to those days?
Those days when you used to call me every night,
we would spend more than two hours talking about nonsense and making fun of each other.
Those days where we would text nonstop!
Those days where we would be online until 2am in the morning, neglecting school work.
Those days where we had more inside jokes than any other kind of jokes.
Those days where i would share my music with you and you with me
Those days where we would text each other lyrics from our favorite songs
Those days were one word could make us laugh nonstop
Where are those days??
What happened??

It all started with one simple text.
It was followed with a really boring winter break
And it turned into an amazing friendship.
I really thought this would be different
I thought you would be there for me
You were always there for me
You were the first person i went to for everything
Whenever i needed guidance you helped me
It wouldnt matter if it was 2 or 3 am, you would pick up your phone
You would be honest
You would tell me how stupid i was for thinking this way
You would be there to make me feel better
You would support me and check back on me

If i had an exam you would stay up with me all night to make sure i would finish up
you were there the next morning to ask me how it was
you were there to hug me when you found out i failed
You were simply and most importantly THERE.

I always have this voice in the back of  my head,
the voice that tells me to be careful with who i trust.
I have been hurt before,
i have lost friends
Friendships that once seemed to last forever ended in less than a day.
I had hope, i had faith in you.
You were to be different
You were to be those kind of friends that would make me understand
why so many others had left.
But now look where we are?
See how i feel?

What happened to "friends are for forever"?
what happened to  "dont worry, i will never hurt you"?
What happened to  "i love you, flaka" ?
All the corny moments that we wished we never had,
where things were said and done,
what happen to that?


All i want from this is to know that i meant to you as much as you meant to me.
I want you to know that i will still be here whenever you need me,
you will always be in my heart, whenever you decide to come back,
until then ill miss you.
I'll miss those odd moments we had,
all those long talks,
all those stupid jokes,
and all those crazy fights.
I'll miss what it used to be,
and hope that one day things go back to normal.

 

LIFE IS...

Life is not always good. Life is not always rainbows and butterflies.
Its true that there will be days where everything seems to be perfect.
Everything seems to be right and you are the happiest person alive.
Those days should be appreciated because before you know it, they will be gone.

There will be days where life will throw you against the wall,
days where it will push you down, kick you, spit at you,
and make you eat dirt!
Days where you will want to quit,
Days where you will want to cry, scream or give up!
Days where you will feel alone, even among friends.
Days where you will wonder if its all worth it at the end,
If all this suffering, if all this pain, if all these troubles will ever go away.
You cant see the light. You search for it, but all you see is the darkness that awaits for you ahead.

Friends, family and even strangers will tell you the same thing,
"Dont worry everything will be ok"
"Suck it up, it will be over before you know it"
"This will teach you to be strong"
"Fight for it if its what you really want."

Now, im not saying they are wrong.
It is true; You will learn a lot from every time you fall.
You will learn to get back up again and that will make you stronger.
It will teach you how to deal with these events.

This is not to tell you what everyone else has told you before, even though they are right;
This is to tell you that you are allowed to get mad
You are allowed to get angry and pissed
You are allowed to cry and scream
You are allowed to close your eyes and fall asleep
You are allowed to turn up the radio as loud as you want
and sing at the top of your lungs.

You are allowed to ask for help
You are allowed to ask for a hug from a friend
You are allowed to pray
You are allowed to sit quietly and think.

All of us have to go through tough times.
All of us have wanted to give up a time or another.
This is to show you,
You are not alone
We are all in this together.
Some will suffer more than others
But just remember:
The sun comes out after the storm.

(Facebook notes 04/13/09)

It is funny how many of us dont appreciate our friends.
I am very lucky, i have 3 amazing best friends. I love them and i trust them. They have always been there for me whenever i needed them. Through good and bad. We have had fights, big ones and stupid ones, and we still make up. I love them and i cant believe im this lucky.
I didnt realize how great they were.
Around March i started dated this guy who had a lot of acquaintances i thought he was happy but as i told him about all the things my friends had done for me he told me 'wow, you really have great friends!' i started to think about it more and realize that he was right. How could i not see it? My friends were there for me whenever i needed them and i never appreciated them for it.
Now, i made a new friend. He is really nice and because he has been home-schooled since he was in third grade, he is very clueless and doesnt know much about friendship and such. He has a couple of friends that he trusts, and this semester he met me and this other girl. This other girl, we'll call her Amanda, doesnt have many friends either. So she wants him all for herself. She wants him to be with her all day. And he is ok with it because i guess he likes to feel like he is wanted. I started to become really close to him too, and Amanda started getting jealous. She has a boyfriend, so i know she likes him  as a friend. The important thing is that she is very obssesive and demandind. If she doesnt get what she wants she gets mad and makes my friend feel bad. He is constantly explaining himself and saying sorry all the time. He feels like he is being torn between two friends. I dont mind that he hangs out with Amanda, like i said i have amazing friends & i know they are there for me whenever i need them. My friend and Amanda had a fight yesterday, she was pretty mean to him and he was down all day. I spent all day and afternoon with him, trying to cheer him up. He did. Today Amanda talked to him like nothing happened and they are friends again. All day he ignored me. I understand why he did it, its not because he doesnt wanna talk to me, its because Amanda doesnt like him texting me. And to avoid all the drama of explaining himself and getting her mad, he just doesnt text me at all. But how do you think i feel? I spent all my day with him yesterday and he couldnt even text me something!! ? I am more than sure that it was Amanda's fault. His friends, friends that he knows for 2 or 3 years now, dont talk to him much cuz he never hangs out with them. Why? Because he spends all his free time with Amanda.
I told him, 'you have to learn how to balance your friendships. If you dont, then im afraid your gonna lose them' I was of course talking of myself and of his others friends.  I appreciate his friendship a lot and i really like him as my friend but i cant have a friendship with someone who is not gonna put as much effort into the relationship as i will. Amanda does not want him talking to me cuz she thinks shes gonna lose him, but thats not all. She doesnt want him talking with anyone else. Its pretty annoying and tiring. i dont want him to give up all his old friendships just cuz of her. But he doesnt want to lose her. So i told him, "Either you balance all of your friendships, or you will lose them. If you really want her as your friend, then stay with her. You guys can be best friends. But im afraid you will lose your other friends" He is sad, because he doesnt know what to do. I understand is hard, i lost friends because of this. All of his friends are different and its impossible to combine them into a group. 
If i were him, i would tell Amanda that i love her as a friend but that she does not have the right to dictate my life. I have friend besides her and she has to understand that. If she doesnt understand and decides to leave, which will hurt me (from his point of view), then i will have to move on withe my life. He has to tell her how he feels because i feel like she is managing his life and its not fair cuz he doesnt deserve it.

Do we chose our friends? Of course we do! Some of us are lucky and we get our best friends in an easy way, maybe because we have a lot of things in common and we  just click. Some of us, have to go through a couple of groups of friends before finding their real true best friend. I personally have lost many friends, many people have left my life. And i have been in a situation where i have to decide which friend to keep. It is a hard decision, and it could turn out bad, but if it turns out good, then it is more than worth it.
I hope he realizes what he has to do and gives Amanda an ultimatum. I dont wanna lose him as a friend and i dont want him to lose his friends because of only one friend. Of course it would be worth it, if she is a really true friend. But if she is, and he choses to stay with her, then im afraid i cannot be his close friend. I will still be his friend. The kind of friend that i say hi to if i see him in the hall, or tha kind that i talk to in class. But nothing more.  Ill miss him because i have grown very fond of him.  :(
What will his decision be??



PS: I love my best friends!!!! We went through good and bad, and helped each other in the way. I love them so much!

I wish.....

I wish i could feel better about this,
i wish it wouldnt hurt this bad,
i wish you would be honest with me,
i wish you could be man enough to apologize

I wish you notice my voice breaking on the other end,
i wish you thought about it all day
i wish you realized your mistake
i wish you could be man enough to apologize!

I wish you realize now how bad things were
i wish you knew why i did it
I wish you knew how bad it hurts
i wish you could apologize

i wish my friends could understand
i wish you could grow up
i wish you could take some blame
i wish you could apologize!

how did it felt?
when i said those things to you?
did they still hunt you tonight?
what are you going to do about it?
i wish you could apologize
                
i hope you cant sleep tonight
i hope you can hear my words in your head
i hope they hurt you
i hope you realize how but you hurt me
i hope you wake up tomorrow and apologize
             just apologize
             because thats all it takes,
             its the first step

Hello. 
(First journal)
there is this little show in abcfamily called GREEK that is about well, greek fraternities and sororities in a random university. If you are like me, you would probably ignore this show. Which is what i did for the first season. Somehow on monday i found myself with nothing to do and i saw there was a marathon of this infamous show going on . After  four hours, i was hooked up! the show is not only about the greek system but its about the college experience as a whole. The sleepless nights, the hard core parties, and the awesome friendships. College is the right place to find out who you are for real, and to accomplish what you thought would never be accomplished. 

This show is filled with life enigmas that happens to all of us, and thus makes it really easy to relate and enjoy. 
The second season is over, and now i find myself in abcfamily.com watchin all the episodes from the first season. Im half way done with them!
One last note: Cappie deserves to be with Cassey because she needs a fun spirited guy just like him. Not to mention that Cappie is hot!!! lol
Thats all for now,
xoxo
Maggie